Am I Scared?

As most of you know, I am having surgery today.  I am having a heart cath procedure to correct a condition called supraventricular tachycardia.  In case you missed it, I talked about my condition here and here.

When people have asked if I am scared about having the surgery, my immediate answer is no.  And I'm really not.  I have had surgeries before - I know the routine.  But their questions and concerns did cause me to examine my actions from earlier this summer.

When Vol Fan and I arrived home in June, it marked 5 years of our life working on the road.  So when we arrived home, we both got busy doing things that are just easy to leave undone when you are gone.  Vol Fan worked and worked and worked out at our property - cutting back brush, mowing, clearing the fence row, etc, etc....

I helped some but mainly I got busy around the house - cleaning, organizing the attic, cleaning closets.  I also got busy organizing our personal paperwork - making sure Vol Fan knew the location of everything, writing down banking information, insurance information, passwords, etc, etc....

In hindsight, I can see that I was putting my affairs in order.

I had not been diagnosed with SVT - hadn't even seen a cardiologist.  But the condition that I had been dealing with since I was in my 20s was getting worse.  And I knew it - whether I was ready to admit it or not.  I knew that the episodes were getting more frequent.  That they were getting harder to control.  That they were lasting longer.

I knew all of this.  And I also knew of the history of heart disease in my birth mother's family.  She and her brother had passed away at a young age from heart related issues, as had her mother.  Her father and her twin sister had strokes at very young ages.

I knew all this.  And I was scared.  I didn't want to admit it.  But I was.

I said all of that to say, please remember me and Vol Fan today.  Send prayers, good vibes, light - whatever.  Just remember us.

For me - a safe and successful surgery.

For Vol Fan - so he won't be crazy with worry.  He lost his father due to a complication during a heart cath procedure.  So he could really use that extra support.

Thanks!  And I'll see you all on Friday:)