Reverse

My nephew, Soccer Boy, is a senior in high school and is on spring break this week. His dad, Home Brew, took a few days off so they could fish, etc. He had some errands to run before the fun could begin. So he got up early, got dressed, and went to his truck.

And that's when the trouble began.....

Apparently, Soccer Boy got his Automotive Backup Inabilities from his aunt Woody. Which means, that yes, Soccer Boy backed directly into his father's truck! Ker-wham!!!

Hopefully, Soccer Boy's Automotive Backup Inabilities are not as bad as his aunt Woody's.

The Incredible Woody cannot back up a vehicle. Allow me to demonstrate:

1. In the first years of our marriage, Vol Fan and I had this big, ugly van. By big, I mean huge, like 15 passenger size. By ugly, I mean UGLY!! One day the local K-Mart decides that it is going out of business and things are marked down like crazy. So I (who used to be a really, really thrifty shopper) go down there hunting for bargains. Upon arrival, I find the parking lot is packed. And by packed, I mean there are 2 spots in the whole lot. So I had a choice - park in spot A where I would back up and hit a car or park in spot B where I would back up and hit a concrete drain pipe. So I choose the drain pipe. One more dent on that ugly van wouldn't matter, right?
2. In the mid-90s, I went back to college to finish my degree. At the time, I was driving a Honda Accord that I had purchased from my sister. Great car, by the way! We had a circular drive but one side came down a big hill. So I usually came in that side and pulled out the other side. The problem occurred one day when our other car was parked in my way. So I had to back out. Instead of backing out up the hill, I decided to back across a section of the yard. And Vol Fan had told me that if I went across the yard to go fast so I wouldn't spin and get stuck. He never should have told me that. I put the car in reverse and "went fast so I wouldn't spin". And SLAM! Right into the guardrail that was at the corner of our property! Several hundreds of $$ to repair.
3. In 2005, Vol Fan purchased a new truck. Being the excellent wife that I am, I ordered seat covers and really good floor mats for him. He had the truck for a week when they arrived. I offered to drop him off at work, go vacuum the truck, install the floor mats and seat covers, and return the truck to him. So I dropped him off at the golf course and started on my way. I decided that I needed to back up a little - I didn't think I could make the turn to clear the sand trap. I put the truck in reverse and WHAM! Right into a tree! Who the hell puts a tree on a golf course, right? Several thousands of $$ to repair.

These are just the major examples. There have been other minor things - too numerous to mention. So the lesson? If you ever allow The Incredible Woody to drive your car, do not let her put it in reverse!
PS - Vol Fan loves me still. Yes, even after smashing his week-old truck - the one that he had never even dared to dream that he would have. Yes, he loves me. Enough to purchase a car for me with a backup camera!