Friday, November 6, 2009

How Do You Deal?

Everyone has someone in their life - someone that really gets under their skin.

The someone that I have to deal with doesn't do anything overtly horrible. But when you are constantly dealing with a million small jabs, it adds up. Usually those small jabs are on the sly and never in front of other people.

Example #1: This person came to see our new house. When other people were in the room, it was all "Oh this is nice" or "You are going to love this place" etc. But when we were alone, it was "Boy there really isn't much cabinet space" and "I really don't like those floor to ceiling windows". Even if your house had zero cabinets and I hated large windows, I would never say such a thing to someone that had just purchased the house!

Example #2: At Pita's birthday party, I was discussing the number of trick or treaters that had visited our house. I said that we had so few that I was giving handfuls of candy so we wouldn't have a huge amount of leftovers. This person's next sentence was "Etiquette says that you should only give one piece of candy to each." What the hell kind of made up crap is that?

See, it's nothing horrible. But these little jabs are never-ending. And I really don't know how to deal with it. Or how to respond. So I end up biting my tongue to keep the peace. And the frustrations of that eat me up inside!

Should I just say screw the peace and be the biggest smart-ass ever? Do I keep biting my tongue and blog about it to relieve my stress? Help!

16 comments:

smiles4u said...

These are the kind of people that make me say or think "What the hell?" and often times the naughty "f" word could be substituted for hell...lol. And it's the one's that make those little snotty jabs that are the hardest to deal with.

I'd say screw the peace keeping and be a smart ass but I'm not one to give out advice on this. I am like you and bite my tongue to keep the peace. I really can be a smart mouth or smart ass but it's all in fun. When I need to be or should I don't.

Good luck with this! Have a great weekend in your wonderful new house! XXOO

Linda said...

You can blog about it. We'll be here to support you! But, you could also just tell that person what you think!

Linda said...

You can blog about it. We'll be here to support you! But, you could also just tell that person what you think!

Snooty Primadona said...

I swear I know this person! And at least 10 other versions of this person. I used to think these people acquired their snippity ways, but now I think they are born with it. Otherwise, how could people say such ugly things? I'd almost rather be ignored... which I hate.

I call this type of friend The Judge & you can read about it here:

http://snootyprimadona.blogspot.com/2008/04/toxic-friends-be-1st-one-on-your-block.html

Living on the Spit said...

In a mutual power situation, over coffee or something, I would bring it up...sometimes the other person doesn't even realize that their comments are harmful or that their comments are really even coming out of their mouth!!

Sometimes the things we say are only mirrors of our own insecurities and failings.

kristi said...

Is this person my sister??
Go read my blog!! LOL!!

David Stanley said...

This "friendship" is toxic. Life is too short to be surrounding by people that bring you down, it will only hurt your self esteem. Something that I have finally learned in my life is to let go of people that do not have your best interest at heart. Life will be easier and less stressful!
Candice was in the office yesterday and told me about your blog. I sat up WAY past my bedtime reading it last night, couldn't stop. Keep writing!

Tracey Hodge said...

I'm echoing David here with a but.

But...if that person can't be removed from your life and it continues - let loose girl! Maybe some smartass comebacks will make her realize what she is saying. I've noticed that people get into ruts with their thoughts and how they voice them, and a sometimes a shock makes the step back and take notice.

Hang in there Hon - {{{HUGS}}}

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I am with David and T! Give it back to her. If she cant take the heat maybe she will stay out of your kitchen. I found that biting my tongue only hurts me!
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Busy Bee Suz said...

My first instict about this 'person' is that they have a jealous streak in them...aimed at YOU. They are trying to make themselves feel better by jabbing at you. I would certainly jab back here and there...but of course in a sly/discreet manner.
If being discreet about it does not work, tell Negative Nancy to kiss your A**.
:)

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh Woody, One of my 3 childhood friends is exactly like that... She drives me insane--almost to the point that I didn't want to go on our last trip. BUT--with one of these gals (not the same one) with cancer, I 'bit my tongue' and went.. I am glad I went ---and proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut (although her negativism and bitterness would drive anyone nuts)...

I don't know about your 'friend'??? but this friend of mine acts the same way toward anyone and everyone. IF anyone has their own opinion, forget it, if you don't agree with her. She is truly a 'piece of work'...

IF it weren't for the other two friends, I would NEVER choose to be around the negative one. I used to have confrontations with her--but realized that it doesn't help. She will NEVER change... And she is getting worse the older she gets.

SO--where am I going with this? IF your so-called-friend is someone you can take or leave, then I'd do just that---LEAVE her and stay totally away from her. IF you want her friendship or 'have' to have it due to the situation, then I'd have a heart-to- heart with her --and tell her how you feel. In other words, do what you think will work best for YOU. You (nor I) need people like that in our lives.

Hugs,
Betsy

Travel Girl said...

Call me uncouth, but I never heard of Halloween etiquette. I'm guessing that the offender is a relative or you would have already ditched the negativity. I don't seek out confrontation, but I as I get older I can't resist questioning people's rudeness. They don't expect it from me. I get some very interesting reactions.

Desert Survivor said...

You have lots of good advice in the other comments. The only thing I can think of to add is the next time she says something hurtful, reach over and give her a big hug. Tell her you're so sorry that she is such a negative person and that maybe she should seek counseling to make her life happier. That might surprise her so much she'll keep her mouth shut for a few minutes.

Clippy Mat said...

don't we all know somebody like that? but it's true, when somebody jabs at YOU it says more about THEM and what a sad sack THEY are, but it's very annoying.
lmk how you decide to deal with her.
:-)

Grandma J said...

I say let it all hang out! Lately my tongue told me it was tired of being bitten....so from now on my tongue is the boss of such matters. :)

alntv said...

Press the "ignore" button and don't worry about it. There are some people in this world who need to belittle others in order to feel important. They usually need lots of coddling. I tend to not get along with people like that...