Thursday, March 4, 2010

Watch Out! Pity Party Coming....

I haven't written a heart-felt post in a long time. I have been trying to figure out why.

At first, I thought it was stress. The economy means things are TOUGH in the work arena.  Add in the fact that we have one job that has not paid in 8 months. Looks like we will have to sue to get our money. (And I am talking a LOT of money.)

Then I thought it was depression. Losing Dixie at the end of November was tough. Dixie was a real chicken when it came to loud noises. Yesterday there was a sonic boom (we get those frequently around here!) and I actually quit typing and looked down the hallway, expecting Dixie to round the corner. She always came and huddled under my desk when she was scared. I miss her.

Then I thought it was because I haven't felt good. I have had this damn cough for around a month now. No other symptoms. Just a cough. Went to the doctor - round of antibiotics. Didn't help. But while I was there, they weighed me. My doctor had the nerve to say "Looks like someone enjoyed their Christmas dinner". I almost walked out of the office. Yeah, doc, you try having reconstructive surgery on your ankle that basically puts you on your ass for 4 months and see if you don't gain some weight. Bastard!

But all of that isn't it. (Or maybe all of that is it.) I was sitting at my desk, running my foot over the dumbbell which stretches the sole to battle plantar fasciitis. And I realized what my problem is.

I feel defeated. I feel like my ankle will never heal. I know the doctor told me to expect to baby it for the next year. But I want it healed now!!

By not being able to go and do, I have gained weight. I am hovering within 5-10 pounds of my heaviest weight ever. I even had to go and buy some new pants. Just so I could breathe while clothed.

But it's not just the weight, I have lost health. I am out of breath doing things that would not have bothered me before. I am weak. I am tired.

And I just feel like dissolving into a puddle of tears...

18 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

Oh Woody. I know that feeling very well. Except for the ankle part. Go back and get your lungs checked again. And I am sending you light! And hugs! Hoping things look up soon.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Been there--done that!!!! It's the WEIGHT/health. I have struggled all of my adult life --and still do. I hated myself for so many years.

I wish I had an answer for you. Without being able to exercise, that makes it much harder to lose weight. You are caught between a rock and a hard place.

I guess if I could give you any advice, I would tell you to join Weight Watchers --and explain to them about the exercise problem. They can help you with what to eat and what not to eat. Can you swim???? That is good exercise if you can do it--and if you have a "Y" (or something like that) near you.

Once you can get back in control of YOU --by taking care of YOU, that will make the other problems and situations much easier to deal with. You need to take care of YOU first.

NOT EASY---I've been where you are. I could cry for you today because I truly know how you are hurting.

Hugs and Loads of LOVE
Betsy

Busy Bee Suz said...

I can sympathize completely with you.
I have not had any surgery…but things are getting ugly around here. Tight clothes, layoffs, lawyers, banks etc….
My only advice, and you did not ask for any is to think of the positives you have. Your home, your job, your family.
And I vote for you going to the boxer rescue and adding another member to your family. 
I hope you start feeling better soon…

Linda said...

I could have written this post, except for the ankle and dog part. Of course, I am at the point in my life that if I need bigger clothes, I'll go get them, and if you don't like the way I look, turn around. Of course, this doesn't help you. Sorry.

Grandma J said...

Don't beat yourself up, Woody. It's something in the water. All those things, except the part about someone owing me a LOT of money could be me.

It's a one-day-at-a-time kinda world right now...that's the way you have to look at it.

I have to go find an indoor pool and pay bookoo dollars to swim off some weight.

Nelson's Mama said...

We lost Shelley in November - she was so afraid of the booms until she went deaf. One of the worst days of my life was when we actually lost her for 12 hours because I had left her outside when the jets went over and she panicked and ran. After that I always made sure to find her when the first boom hit.

That boom yesterday was a doozy.

And I still look for her sometimes too - with a tear in my eye.

Nelson's Mama said...

Loving your comments!

My youngest is in the 7th grade too - it's not fun at right now. She's not one of those cute, skinny little things, she's already hit her adult height and I suspect she feels kind of awkward.

Ferrell diagnosed my hip, but he was no longer doing hip surgery, so I ended up in Murfreesboro. Kinda hated it, cause I really liked him.

T said...

Hon -

I'm in your same boat of unhappiness. I've been ignoring my blog, my photography and such and I just can't put my finger on any one "reason".

I really think our weather (and you all have had terrible weather for home), the doom and gloom of the economy, missing Dixie AND your ankle is just an overload!

Don't be to hard on yourself - one day at a time and you'll get it back!

Clippy Mat said...

let those tears go. it's therapeutic. feel sorry for yourself and then let it go.
just keep moving forward and you will get there.
what a difference a day makes...
hugs
:-)

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Woody, you are not alone. I just graduate to new bigger size. I get the winter blues and feel defeated. Go out in the sun. It helps me. Hell yeterday I even went to the tanning booth. Me and my newest 15 pounds. And if you need to cry let it out. Another dog may be just what the Dr ordered. I hopefull have wolf pups coming in the spring. Interested?
<><

Nelson's Mama said...

Thought you would enjoy this...

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704479404575087360790295570.html?KEYWORDS=combat+dogs

Living on the Spit said...

Turly, if you need to talk...I am here. I have been where you are and it's frustrating as hell. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't settle for one doctor's opinion...find your own answer and try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard, but know you are loved.

TheVinylVillager said...

big hugs to you! I know exactly what youre going through...with my breakup and my ongoing mysterious health issues, the past few months have been more of a hell than Ive let on to anyone. Hang in there darlin!

Desert Survivor said...

Hugs! Things will get better! Come visit!

Desert Survivor said...

Hugs! Things will get better! Come visit!

Together We Save said...

Oh I hope you are getting better... Just stopping over to say hello. Hope the sun and warmer weather are lifting your spirits some.

big hair envy said...

Sweetie, you KNOW I'm right there with you:/ The weather this weekend DID give me a glimmer of hope that I will soon pull myself out of this awful FUNK I've been in for SO long! Keep your chin up, let the tears flow, and just take it one day at a time:)

Oh, and start planning your trip to Blog Fest;) I personally guarantee it will cure what ails you!!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh Woody. This made me hurt for you. Sadly, I cant even blame any weight gain on my ankle. I am just a disgusting mess.

I know you will heal soon and then you will feel so much better. I know you miss your sweet dog. I know that the economy is stressful. I am sorry for all that you are going thru. So sorry.

PS I never let anyone at the Dr weigh me. Who wants that kind of news? NOT ME!