Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Am I Scared?

As most of you know, I am having surgery today.  I am having a heart cath procedure to correct a condition called supraventricular tachycardia.  In case you missed it, I talked about my condition here and here.

When people have asked if I am scared about having the surgery, my immediate answer is no.  And I'm really not.  I have had surgeries before - I know the routine.  But their questions and concerns did cause me to examine my actions from earlier this summer.

When Vol Fan and I arrived home in June, it marked 5 years of our life working on the road.  So when we arrived home, we both got busy doing things that are just easy to leave undone when you are gone.  Vol Fan worked and worked and worked out at our property - cutting back brush, mowing, clearing the fence row, etc, etc....

I helped some but mainly I got busy around the house - cleaning, organizing the attic, cleaning closets.  I also got busy organizing our personal paperwork - making sure Vol Fan knew the location of everything, writing down banking information, insurance information, passwords, etc, etc....

In hindsight, I can see that I was putting my affairs in order.

I had not been diagnosed with SVT - hadn't even seen a cardiologist.  But the condition that I had been dealing with since I was in my 20s was getting worse.  And I knew it - whether I was ready to admit it or not.  I knew that the episodes were getting more frequent.  That they were getting harder to control.  That they were lasting longer.

I knew all of this.  And I also knew of the history of heart disease in my birth mother's family.  She and her brother had passed away at a young age from heart related issues, as had her mother.  Her father and her twin sister had strokes at very young ages.

I knew all this.  And I was scared.  I didn't want to admit it.  But I was.

I said all of that to say, please remember me and Vol Fan today.  Send prayers, good vibes, light - whatever.  Just remember us.

For me - a safe and successful surgery.

For Vol Fan - so he won't be crazy with worry.  He lost his father due to a complication during a heart cath procedure.  So he could really use that extra support.

Thanks!  And I'll see you all on Friday:)

8 comments:

Life with Kaishon said...

Praying right this second sweet friend. I will pray all day.

Mental P Mama said...

Sending you both nothing but good thoughts and prayers. You are in a great place! They will take good care of you there.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Sending up prayers for you both and your Dr's!!!!!
Glad you are getting this taken care of; finally.
xoxo

George said...

I hope the procedure has gone well. We'll definitely keep both of you in our prayers. Since I'm writing this from the hospital room after. Betsy's problems, I think I know what Vol Fan is going through.

Desert Survivor said...

Thinking of and praying for you both!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I hope that you are healing quickly and starting to feel better!

Tammy said...

I know all those healing thoughts were successful! I hope your healing continues and you find yourself better than ever!

Snooty Primadona said...

Damn. Damn. Damn. I hope everything will be okay.

I recently learned that I have Neuropathy. My hands and feet burn (like a fire is burning them) 24 hours a day. Apparently, it only gets worse and there is no cure. Now I'm just wondering what will happen next. I'm having a hard time walking and doing anything with my hands. Let me just say this totally sucks the big one. I'm scared but I will not let it define me or my life.

My heart isn't perfect but it's okay for now. I hope yours is too.