Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Sometimes seeing karma in action can be really sad. Sometimes seeing someone having to lie in a bed of their own making is really sad. Sometimes seeing someone realize, too late, that they made the wrong choices is really sad.

(And, no, I'm not talking about the bozos that Vol Fan fired on Monday.)

I am talking about Vol Fan's grandmother.

When I married Vol Fan, I was in for a shock when I met his family. They make dysfunctional sound like a good thing.

Vol Fan's father was one of six children. Of these children, his mother had favorites and made no bones about who her favorites were. Vol Fan's father was not one of the chosen ones. Because of that, Vol Fan and his siblings were not one of the chosen grandchildren.

Unfortunately, Memaw made very poor choices in who her favorites were.

So now, as she faces her last days, she knows that she made poor choices. The person that is doing the majority of the work in caring for her? The wife of Vol Fan's father. Yes, a daughter-in-law. One that was married to an un-favorite child that has been deceased for 7 years.

The favorites? They can't be bothered.

So Memaw is alone. Knowing now that she made some terrible choices. But it is too late. There are some things that just can't be undone. When Vol Fan was old enough to realize that his grandmother really could care less about him, he chose to spare himself the pain of rejection. He struggles to find the sadness that he thinks he should feel at the loss of his grandmother.

I think he lost her long, long ago.

But Vol Fan is nothing if not a good guy, so he will be traveling to Knoxville for a few days to lend support to his mother. He is worried that one of the chosen ones will get a case of diarrhea of the mouth. It has been known to happen. And they have been known to say disparaging things about his mom, even though she is (and has been for years and years) the one that is caring for their mother.

Remember him over the next few days. Hopefully he won't punch someone and end up in jail.


T said...

Poor Vol Fan! Not a good situation - but one I understand only too well (alas...I'm not the favored daughter - so I don't warrent ANY of my dads attention). I hope he remains cool if for no other reason, than for his mother.

Busy Bee Suz said...

What a terrible situation. I have never understood families that did not love each other equally. Do you really think she realized what she did all these years?
I pity her. I feel for Vol Fan. He deserves better.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. THAT'S not a good situation at all. I hope everything comes out okay!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh I'm sorry, Woody. Poor VolFan doesn't need that situation.. BUT--I'm sure his mother could use his help.

I'll bet that the 'chosen ones' will be around at the end--when the money is passed out. OH---don't you just hate families who are like this?????

I have a friend whose father died recently. She is from a big family--but NOBODY gets along with each other. I just don't understand living like that. So Sad!!!!

Hope VolFan makes it through the next few days with no problems.

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Sending good thoughts to both of you guys. Oh lawsy, some of these families we're born into. I don't understand it, but admire that his mom and he can take the high road.

SSG is working hard at taking that high road herself ... but is not currently that successful ; )

Linda said...

Your Vol Fan sounds like a terrific guy. He is a bigger man than the other cousins, and he is a terrific son to his mom. She sounds like a winner, and I'll bet 'g'ma' finally figured it out, but even if she hasn't, his mom will just know she did right.

As for the $, if there is any, everyone might be surprised.

diane said...

I totally understand... I was not my mother's favored child either. It was very difficult to find sadness when she died. The blessing is, I will never do that to my children...

I'll keep VolFan in my thoughts. He's a good guy!

Mental P Mama said...

It always seems to come full circle...and you cannot lose what you never had. Hugs to you all. Will be remembering you in my prayers.

imom said...

Sending good and peaceful thoughts Vol Fan's way. My husband mom is like that, she has favorites and has no problem letting everyone know who they are. It's very frustrating.

Grandma J said...

Vol Fan is doing the right thing...as painful as it is. She may have made all the wrong choices, but her grandson is making all the right ones. His reward will be glorious and righteous. You are both amazing.

Clippy Mat said...

wow, that's going to take some doing. hope he's up to it. i don't think i would be. fingers crossed it goes well. :-)

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Sending Hugs and keeping you all in my prayers. I so know about the dysfunctional family ordeal!