Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why I Should Not Be Allowed Out of the House

This morning I had an appointment with a new gynecologist, which always makes for a fun day.  But today was even more fun than usual.  My old gynocologist closed her practice after a series of personal tragedies.  I loved her and felt very comfortable with her so I was NOT happy about trying to find a replacement.

Anyway, it was time for my annual exam so I asked around and consulted with my insurance website.  Finally found one that I thought would be a good fit and got an appointment for today.

I arrived a little early and asked the receptionist to direct me to the restroom.  She told me that I was going to need to leave a urine sample so she directed me to the restroom that is used for that purpose, equipped with the little trap door to leave your sample in.

I did my business into the cup and placed a paper towel over the top. I opened the little urine sample door and reached to place the cup inside.  And that is when it happened.

I let go of the handle.  And that little door went slamming shut faster than you can say "Urine sample".  Fast enough to hit my hand.  Yes, the one that was holding the sample!!

Pee went EVERYWHERE!!  The walls!   The floor!  My shoe!  All OVER the inside of the trap door!

And the fun doesn't end there, kids.

Over the last several months, I had noticed a knot on my lady parts.  A first I thought it was just a random bump.  But it never went away, just slowly got larger.  So I had the doctor examine it.

After the examination, she was wavering between removing it there in the office and sending me to a surgeon.  After discussing it, we decided to do it in the office. 

She numbed the area and got to work.  Just an FYI:  Shots south of the border hurt like crazy!! The doctor said I would feel a little sting, like a bee.  I have been stung by bees and that was NOT a bee sting!

She made a small incision.  The second her scalpel touched that knot, it exploded.  Fluid shot across the room.  Got all over her shirt - she had to change!  At least the nurse thought it was funny, leading with a crack about it being under some serious pressure!

When I told Vol Fan about all the bodily fluids, he said I was just marking my territory;)  I'm not sure I can face them again next year.


Deep in the Heart of Happy said...

Oh My Lordy...

I wouldn't be so sure I could go back either.

Just one of the many reasons why I love Woody.

kristi said...

OMG that is nasty on so many levels!! LOL!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

They may not want to see you either.... ha ha .... OH MY GOODNESS... What a way to 'mark your territory'.....

Well---after all of that, I hope all of your tests work out fine...


Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Rolling on the floor here!

Busy Bee Suz said...

You have had the day from hell....and I am so glad you shared. Cause it made me laugh; you are so human!!
I had one of those south of the border knots, and yes, the shot hurt so flippin' bad...but no explosions. I am sooooo boring.
Take care,

Clippy Mat said...

I can just imagine your embarrassment, God love you!
Pretty bloody hilarious from an outsider's point of view tho'.

Lori said...

I can imagine the embarrassment and I can also imagine this happening to me. I have been thinking of you today. Take care. XX

Tammy said...

Oh my God!! You poor thing! I feel really bad that I laughed so hard I almost choked. Seriously though, did they have to stitch you up? That sounds really painful.