Fear of abandonment - fear of being left behind by someone that I care about
Effects of this fear:
- I don't like for people to see me cry. In front of people, I am stoic, especially if I am really, really upset. While on the inside, all I want to do is curl into a ball and cry until I can't cry any more.
- On the flipside, I am not one to be exuberant in showing happiness. I don't scream with excitement or jump up and down. While on the inside, I do all of this and more.
- It is hard for people to get to know me. It takes a long time for someone to work past my wall of self-protection.
- Once someone is in, I don't let go easily.
- I am scared to show anger - not just general anger at the injustices of this world or anger at the crazy driver that cut me off. But anger toward someone that I care about. I am never secure enough to reveal that I am mad or I have had my feelings hurt. I am afraid that if I do, they will decide that I'm not worth the trouble and will leave me.
- I have unreasonable thought patterns which causes me to take everything (and I mean everything) VERY personally.
- I will never admit to any of this. If asked, point blank, I would never admit to being angry, hurt, slighted, etc.
What to do about all of this? Therapy? Just accept that I'm a nut? I don't know, but I am open for suggestions.
PS - Weight: 178.2
1 comment:
You're breaking my heart. You are 100% amazing, through and through, so get mad, be hurt, and let it out - we can take it. Well, not me really, but Stephen can - ha!!
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